I accidentally had phone sex last night
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
