Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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