I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
