Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
