I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
