Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
