My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
