Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
