i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
