I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
