using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
