i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
