He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize