I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
