her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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