i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
