Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
