Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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