Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
