Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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