oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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