you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
