I just made out with a guy for $7.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
