The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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