i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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