"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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