So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
