I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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