I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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