Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
