I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
