I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
