it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
