you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
