just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
