At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
