highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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