You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
