He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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