Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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