dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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