Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Semen is not good for contacts.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
