Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
