Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
