I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
