fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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