can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
