haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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