I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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