I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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