Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
