Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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