the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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