I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
