I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize