Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
