So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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