if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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