Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
