totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
