it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
