I just saw a hot homeless man
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
