My first STD was from a foam party
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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