I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
