How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
