Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
