I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
