Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
organizing the empties. That sober.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's blow job season.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
